sabato 5 febbraio 2011

On being shy and insecure

I am not at all confident about myself, even if on this blog I try to look outgoing and talkative. That's not me. I am trying to like myself (you might have noticed my first goal on my 21 before 22 list) and it's being really difficult.

I watch in the mirror something like 300 times before going out, change my clothes a hundred of times and most of times just want to crawl up in my bed not to be seen by anyone. This has to change because it's being a major issue in my life.

Therefore, I am trying to see the nice things in myself: I like my hair, my eyes,..mmhh.. and not much more. But I also have a love for fashion that I tend to hide and destroy because I am afraid someone wouldn't like it. Most of times I buy something I know other people would like and accept and not criticise. Well, isn't that a stupid thing to do? Hello! How not be be myself!

I am the girl who loved orange and always wore orange sweaters when she was 10. Then a teacher once said he like my colorful clothing in front of the whole class. That day I started to wear black, every day, always.
Now I don't like orange anymore, I still like black. But also lilac, light blue, purple..

I've always tried to get back on my habit of wearing what I like, but never really fulfilled this need. Two years ago, it was my first year at University, I painted my nails, every nail a different colour: orange, red, blue, yellow, pink.. And everyone loved it, they said it was a crazy idea, people even stopped me in the train and on the road to ask me and say they liked it.
What did I do? I thought in reality people didn't like it, that with all their compliments they were kidding me.
This is something that is really stopping myself of being who I am, a colorful, crazy girl.
(I want some light blue locks so badly!)

I know I am getting a bit personal, I am sorry. But the blogworld has shown me that there are some people like me around the world. People with the same problems, but also people with such great ideas, nice style, colorful looks, and they don't really give a damn. And they're happy. So why don't try to be myself not only on my blog, but also in real life?

I am going to be less shy here too, maybe posting some drawing I make even if they're not perfect, some ideas I had or some fashion related posts.

Thank you for reading,


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